The Pain of “Unanswered” Prayer

1 comment August 27th, 2008 11:49am Megan

In my last post, I talked about why we should pray and ultimately where prayer’s power lies. I quoted James 5:16b “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” and looked at the verses that follow. I concluded that prayer has power because of the One to whom we pray.

There were some very thought-provoking comments on that post, and I found myself drawn to writing about prayer that goes “unanswered.”

We pray for the return to health of a loved one or that an unfaithful spouse would repent or that we’d get that job we know we are perfect for. But for some reason, we don’t always get what we ask for. And it hurts because we don’t understand why God wouldn’t want these good things. Surely grief and divorce and unemployment are not His will for our lives, we say to ourselves. How could He let this happen?

These real-life heartaches seem to fly in the face of those who are clinging to the promises that the Bible offers about prayer. For example, Jesus says in Matthew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” But, what if you ask and don’t receive, seek and don’t find, knock and the door doesn’t open?

I have a few thoughts about this, but I do not pretend to know the answer in full.

Jesus is familiar with human suffering.

First of all, I think it is important to remember that we serve a Savior who has not made Himself immune to the heartaches of this life. Recall the death of Lazarus (John 11). Jesus travelled to Lazarus’ town of Bethany only to find that his friend had already been dead for four days. Before He had even entered the village, Jesus was approached by Martha and Mary, Lazarus’ sisters, who were very distraught in their grief.  John 11:33-35–”When Jesus saw [Mary] weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. ‘Where have you laid him?’ he asked. ’Come and see, Lord,’ they replied. Jesus wept.”

Nor is He isolated from the temptations we face (see the story of the devil’s temptation of Jesus in Matthew 4:1-11). Hebrews 4:15-16 says: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” I find great comfort in knowing that Jesus understands our troubles and pitfalls and that He walks through them right along with us.

Life’s just not like that.

We’ve established that we are at the very least not forsaken in our troubles. But why aren’t we spared in the first place? It may seem simplistic and trite and perhaps not at all helpful to many in the throes of their grief, but I believe that one of the reasons that we are not always saved from our troubles and don’t always get the good things that we ask for because “life’s just not like that.”

I remember hearing a dear friend and mentor preach about this very topic a few years ago, using the words above, and I must confess that it sent me reeling. Up until that time, my understanding of my relationship with Christ and my Christian world view were grossly naive if not just plain wrong. It was very quid pro quo-esque–I scratch His back by praying, attending church, sharing my faith, yada, yada, yada, and in return He would scratch mine by keeping me safe from huge disaster or devastating loss and even throw some blessings my way every now and then. I’m afraid that this is the way many Christians see Jesus today–like a big vending machine of blessings. Yet, when things don’t go according to this tidy arrangement, it rocks us to our core.

Perhaps we need to tweak our understanding of the purpose of prayer. I love Psalm 37:4 which reads: “Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

I know many people read that and say, “See, he wants me to have the things that I (already) desire.” But what if, what if, it actually means that as we delight ourselves in God, and become content with Him as our sole sufficiency, we will be given new desires? Desires that are aligned with His will for us. Yes Jesus blesses us abundantly–encouraging us to ask Him for what we want, and, yes, He wants to give us good things (Matt. 7:11), but it’s really not about us at all. His will, His definition of good, and ultimately His glory take precendence here. As we come to know His heart through prayer and spending time in His word, we start to see our wants and needs through His perspective. Suddenly, many of our wants pale in comparison to what He would have for us. And suddenly, our human understanding of cause and effect, timing, and what blessings we think we deserve really don’t make sense at all.

But what about death and war? Surely THESE are not in His plan!

I want to reiterate that I do not have a full grasp of that overarchingly, incredibly intangible concept of “the way the world works;” And I am certainly no theologian. I cannot necessarily add two and two here to come up with four, but I need you to know that I believe God is sovereign (in charge of everything; Dan. 4:17) and that His will is perfect (He does not make mistakes; Rom. 12:2, Ps. 33:11, Num. 23:19). That there is suffering in this life does not alter this belief. I just trust Him. Period. Even when I don’t always understand why things don’t work out like they “should.” It is important to note that the reason we fall short of understanding this world is that we do not have the full story yet; all has not been revealed to us on this earth (Deut. 29:29, Job 11:7-9, John 16:12).

Having said that, and even knowing that I “do not know,” I still have questions and sometimes, when things just don’t seem fair, I want to cry foul! Death, war, famine, rape, murder, natural disaster, terrorism–all make up the harsh reality of living this life. None of it seems right, and so many “innocents” are dealt a short hand. Quite simply, I want good things to happen to good people and have trouble understanding why it doesn’t always work out that way. It’s especially difficult for me to offer comfort to someone else who is going through rough times. I want to give them logical explanations and reasons to “look on the bright side.” Yet, it has been my experience that, while well-meaning, these attempts fall flat because they are not based on reality. The truth is that there is not an pat answer for everything, nor is there a silver lining to every cloud.

Jesus never promised a fair or easy life in this world. In fact, He says the opposite. For example, in John 16:33, He tells us, “In this world you will have trouble.” Yikes! He should know too because He certainly had more that his “fair share” of trouble; and if anyone did not deserve bad times on earth it was Jesus–who walked among us, tempted as we are tempted, yet was without sin. This is a fallen world, and the enemy is control as “the god of this age” (2 Cor. 4:4, John 12:31, John 14:30 & 16:11). However, Jesus goes on to say in John 16:33b, “But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

What, then, are we to do?

Quite simply: Pray. Persevere. Have faith. Know that you are not forsaken, even when it may seem that way. Allow God to use your heartbreak to draw you closer to Him and in so doing bless you and all those who hear of your suffering.

I can say it no better than Paul did in his second letter to the Corinthians.

Treasures in Jars of Clay
4:7 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. . . .
15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
[NIV, emphasis mine]

Why should we pray?

4 comments July 30th, 2008 12:52pm Megan

When I think about all the different aspects of life that need prayer, I quickly get overwhelmed. Self, family, friends, church, country, world, repeat–ahhhhhhh! It almost seems too daunting to even start, that I’d be barely scratching the surface.

This really gets at the heart of my attitude toward prayer. Do I really believe that my prayers make a difference? Or if I do believe that I, Megan, have some role in determining the outcome of an event I’ve prayed about, does that mean I am more righteous and powerful than others? It is a fine line to walk, and one that I don’t fully understand, quite frankly. I go back and forth from doubting my prayers have any power at all, to believing that my prayers ARE the power.

Neither, I think, is the right mindset.

James 5:16b states, “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.” How can this be? Surely not simply because of his own righteousness. The author goes on to say in verse 17-18: “Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops.”

Here is what I glean from this: our prayers have power because God gives them power. Elijah was just a man, as we are just men, yet God used the prayers of this man and all of His praying children to reveal Himself and His miracles. 

For reasons that are not fully known, God has determined that we should be active participants in His work–this includes praying for one another. He is sovereign (all-knowing, all-powerful, nothing happens outside of His will, etc.), yet somehow He allows our prayers to seemingly alter the course of future events.

Knowing that our prayers do have power, and that that power is from God, gives me the reason to persevere.

I came across Jesus’ parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18 as I was preparing this topic. It is not one of the parables that I am very familiar with, but it’s message gives me immeasurable hope in knowing that God hears the prayers of His people and has mercy on them. I encourage you to read it. In explaining the parable to His disciples, Jesus says (Luke 18:7-8a), “Will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly.” Trust that He hears your prayers and continue to bring them before Him in faith.

Prayer is meant for praise

1 comment July 17th, 2008 02:04pm Megan

As a stay-at-home mom, I am very rarely alone. When I do have a few minutes to myself, usually during naptimes, I am tempted to do any number of good things. I hesitate to start into anything truly meaningful or important because I can almost bet that I’ll be interrupted. And that means that I try to put off “quiet time” for a “better time.”

But, as it turns out, life rarely allows for any better time, more perfect circumstances, a lasting quiet. Life is what it is, and God wants us to pray in any and all of the little, imperfect moments that make up our days (1 Thess. 5:17-18).

When we do carve out some time for prayer, we often approach it as a laundry list of needs and wants. It is pretty clear, however, that it is first and foremost a vehicle of praise (Ps. 22:23). Yes, God hears our requests and answers them according to His will (1 John 5:14-15). Yes, the Creator of the universe wants to commune with us (how awesome is that!), and who are we to tell Him no? But even more important than our requests is our duty to praise Him. Is any other task truly more important than our worship?

I think a lot about Luke 19:37-40.  As Jesus makes his triumphant entry into Jerusalem the week before his death, the disciples “began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen:
 38′Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!’ 
      ’Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!’”

The Pharisees have missed the point again and try to have Jesus rebuke the crowds to tell them to be quiet. But He responds, “I tell you, if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”

God will receive glory one way or another. Are rocks having to do the work of worship that we were called to do?

Making prayer a habit, and maybe even a lifestyle

Add comment July 8th, 2008 03:32pm Megan

I am a very visual person. I like to write things down, and check things off of a list, and read what others have written. So it’s no wonder that my approach to prayer is very similar.

I should say upfront that I do believe that God hears our prayers when we speak them, and therefore writing them down is not necessary for Him. But in many ways, it is necessary for me. Writing out my prayers is a way to make them tangible to me. I can look back on what I’ve written, and see where prayers have been answered or where my heart has changed. Writing keeps my focused on my task, instead of letting my mind wander to this or that. Writing is a passion for me, and I think that is key to becoming a pray-er.

To become someone who prays throughout your lifetime, find your passion and incorporate prayer into it. For example, prayerhouse.net is the result of combining my passions for writing and the internet into establishing a prayer habit. Do you like to paint? Then paint a prayer to God. Do you play a musical instrument? Play music while you pray. Walk your beloved dog and offer up your petitions to God. Love to go hiking? As you hike, thank God for His creativity and all the blessings of nature that you see. And so on.

Are you stuck in a rut in your “prayer life;” do you only pray in certain settings? Do you think that prayer always means bowed heads, folded hands, closed eyes? It can, but it doesn’t always have to mean that.  1 Thessalonians 5:17 exhorts us to “pray continually.” And verse 18 goes on to say, “give thanks in all circumstances.” This, to me, means that prayer should be a part of every instance, every moment of our lives–whether we are at rest, at work, at play. And that there is no such thing as a “prayer life” separate from our “just plain ol’ life.” Yes, pray in church, with heads bowed and eyes closed, but also pray in every circumstance and in all things. This is what God calls us to do.

Launching an online prayer community

Add comment March 24th, 2008 06:20pm Megan

The purpose of prayerhouse.net is to exhort you to be in prayer. We know that God chooses to bless His people through answered prayer, but we make no guarantees of any wealth or prosperity. We are not theologians or scholars, just a group of Christians honestly seeking the Lord.

 Please join in this journey with us, if you desire.